A very important parental role is warning our kids about the consequences that come from wrong choices and behaviors. When we look to the Bible, we can see that God often provided His children with warnings of impending consequences if they strayed from His ways. Deuteronomy 28:15-68 is one powerful example. It’s a difficult passage to read, but in it we learn that God gives ample warning. We can provide this same framework for our children as well.
You will notice that the following list of consequences are not punishments but are more the natural “fallout” that comes from disobedience. It’s important that we take the time to intentionally teach our children, in times of peace when hearts are soft and teachable. Here are a few natural experiential outcomes from disobedience that you can work into your daily conversations with your children.
1. Disconnect and feelings of loneliness
Disobedience can build walls between people, especially if it is a pattern over time. You can help your child make this connection by pointing it out when it happens naturally in their environment. For example, if your child comes home and tells you about a child at school who is not listening to the teacher, you can ask questions that will help him connect the dots. You can say, “What did the teacher do?” or “I wonder if that behavior helps him/her feel like he/she is a part of the group?” or “Sometimes when we disobey, it’s followed by feelings of loneliness.”
2. Mistrust
Repeated misbehavior makes it very difficult to be trusted. You can use the story about The Boy Who Cried Wolf to illustrate this concept. You can also tell stories from your childhood (I know you have some!) of when your poor choices led to a decreased level of trust by your parents. Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities to work these teachable moments into your child’s day.
3. Feelings of regret and guilt
When we choose our own way, it may feel good in the moment, but often that feeling fades and regret or guilt seeps in. Some children are more sensitive to these feelings than others. Some children may mask the feelings with anger and frustration towards others. You could use story time to illustrate these concepts in a non-threatening way. You can point out something like, “Wow. Look how that character’s mood changed after he told that lie. He seems really ______ now.”
This is the instructive component of training our children in the ways of the Lord. Discipline is not just correction in the moment. It’s also proactive and intentional. When we can get creative about warning our children and using every day moments to teach truths, they will be more readily absorbed.
Try weaving your parenting building blocks (family values, rules, blessings and consequences) into the fabric of your everyday lives. If you do so, you will be providing your children with a solid foundation from which they can develop both roots that will ground them and wings that will help them explore their world.
Criticism first and praise afterwards: Is the world so devoid of good practical examples?
Why do we not have more examples of consequences that fit the “crime”? I have all the heart and knowledge in the world and no practical way to apply it because I wasn’t parented myself. Where is a list of stories/consequences (Book of virtues failed my search for this but Doorposts company has at least scratched the surface)that can give me creative tools to teach right from wrong?
I like that you have outlined it nicely and I think I will grab and run with the part “Disobedience builds walls, obedience breaks them down. Increase your children’s ability to notice this by pointing it out when it happens in their environment. If they come home from school and tell you about an incident with another child, you can point out how easy it is for people to hurt a relationship with their bad choices.”
Laura,
So very true and practical, thank you.