Parents often tell me that while they might “get it” in their heads (meaning parenting principles and concepts), they have a hard time translating head knowledge into action. Unfortunately, children don’t come with an owner’s manual. But we can equip ourselves with tools to make our efforts more effective. Natural and logical consequences are one such tool. This post will provide some basic information regarding natural and logical consequences and examples of how to implement them in your home.
What are Natural and Logical Consequences?
These types of consequences are just what they sound like: consequences that come about because of a natural progression of events. They are applied in a very matter-of-fact (but not biting or retaliative) way in an effort to teach the child a family value or rule.
Natural consequences are those that happen naturally (refuse to eat=hungry). Logical consequences are connected to the child’s behavior but require the intervention of a parent (won’t turn off game when asked=no game the next day).
For Which Behaviors are they Effective?
Please note: this advice is intended for “neurotypical” children. A child with autism, ADHD, or high sensitivity would require a more nuanced approach. Consequences are not always effective at teaching a child with ADHD. Behavioral approaches that focus on positive reinforcement and rewards have been shown to be effective with these kids.
Regardless of the child, when implementing consequences, parents need to consider the skills their child has acquired, their capacity for change, and their emotional loading.
The following are some examples of when a parent might choose to use natural and logical consequences:
- When a child has a history of making the same mistake over and over
- When the child is demonstrating problems related to personal responsibility (cleaning up after himself, putting things away, etc)
- When the child is developmentally ready to utilize his decision-making skills
For Which Behaviors are they Ineffective?
Sometimes a natural or logical consequence is not sufficient. There are some situations when a parent will need to dig a bit deeper and address ruptured relationships caused by misbehaviors or possible other factors at play. Here are a few situations when natural and logical consequences would not be sufficient:
- When the child has physically harmed another person or property
- When the child has offended someone in some way
- When the child is refusing to do homework (it’s important to assess for an underlying learning disability)
- When there is an issue of safety
Children who have displayed behaviors that cause ruptures in relationships need to find a way to make amends. The sibling relationship is an important one to protect and foster.
Examples of Misbehaviors and a Natural and Logical Consequence
| Problem Behavior | Natural and Logical Consequence |
| Child forgets musical instrument at home for the third time in a row. | The instrument stays at home. |
| Child refuses to shower despite efforts to increase compliance. | Child develops body odor and will have to deal with social repercussions from peers. |
| Child does not put laundry in hamper as asked. | Only the clothes that appear in the hamper on laundry day get washed. |
| Child screams in the house after being told not to. | Child is sent outside to play. |
| Child does not pick up toys after being asked. | Child loses the privilege of playing with those particular toys until the ones that remain are picked up when asked. |
| Child does not come to the table when called. | Dinner stops being served when the rest of the family is done. |
| Child does not put baseball glove away when asked. | Child has a wet baseball glove for practice. |
Parenting requires a “diverse portfolio.” We cannot simply rely on one technique or idea and try to apply it to all situations. Sometimes natural and logical consequences are just what the situation calls for. Other times, we will need to implement another approach. It takes wisdom and discernment (and often mistakes) to figure it out.
As with every parenting intervention, it’s always good to start with the word “why?” Once we can figure out what might be underneath the behavior, we will be in a much better place to address it effectively.
Photo credit: phaewilk from morguefile.com
This is great information, but what do you recommend for the situations where natural and logical consequences aren’t appropriate? When the child has hurt someone or damaged property? When the child name calls or yells when asked to do something or stop something? In my case it is a 12 year old boy with adhd.
Hi Chrissie,
You are right, those behaviors would require a different approach. I think a three step approach might work. First – help the child come back to baseline – meaning, if they are emotionally activated, help them calm down or give them space to do so on their own if they prefer that. An emotional brain is not a brain that can take in new information. Second, once the child is calm, explore ways together that they can make amends for the thing they did. If they damaged something they can replace it, fix it, or work extra chores to pay it off. If they have hurt someone, they can find a way to “pay it back” with kindness or good deeds. Kids who come up with these ideas on their own are more likely to do them. Then third, investigate. If it is an ongoing pattern, try to figure out what is underneath the behavior. Is it a developmental or neurological delay? Do they struggle with impulse control across the board or in just certain circumstances? Are they struggling with jealousy or poor emotional regulation skill? Do they identify as the black sheep of the family and keep playing that part? Keeping track of behaviors over time and looking at them with curiosity can sometime help parents get a new perspective on things. That new perspective can influence the steps you take to intervene.
It might be helpful to distinguish between intentional and ignorant misbehaviors.
I hope this helps.
Laura